Back from the long weekend and we learn on Tuesday morning that the latest online privacy protest, the “Quit Facebook Day” movement bombed over the weekend. What? You hadn’t heard?… Never mind. On this occasion of Facebook futility, we decided to look back at some of the lessons learned from those online movements that got the attention of the big brands and no doubt haunt corporate reputation management experts to this day, and those that, well, fizzled and died a quiet death.

Facebook’s PRs are no doubt relieved this morning that the latest privacy broadside was so underwhelming. We see that 35,000 people have signed on to the online protest, less than .001 percent of the Facebook population. Why did it bomb? And what warning signs should reputation management experts look out for when an angry mob mobilizes online to take down your brand? Here’s a few tablet-sized warning signs:

1st Commandment: Don’t hold your protest on a major holiday.

Pretty basic, right? No one is going to show up if they’re out at a barbecue with the kids.

2nd Commandment: Make sure your major protest doesn’t clash with another major protest.

Who knew Monday was not just Bank Holiday in the UK and Memorial Day in the US, but “World No Tobacco Day?” We learned this from the Quit Facebook Day fan page wall, actually.

3rd Commandment: You cannot possibly expect others to drop off the radar a week before the World Cup. Can you?

With hundreds of Facebook World Cup fan pages filled with tens of millions of footy fans passionately discussing the big tourney, who could possibly want to leave now?

4th Commandment: If you’re asking people to commit online suicide, don’t be surprised if they don’t all drink the poisoned Kool-Aid.

People do get second thoughts just before they pull the trigger. Case in point: there are still more than 7,000 fans with fully operation Facebook accounts who “Like” the Quit Facebook Day fan page.

5th Commandment: Social networks are teeming with people in a foul mood, the perfect recruits.

What better way to pad your numbers than appealing to hundreds of the going-nowhere protest movements on Facebook. Where to start? Psst, psst, the banking sector. There are countless groups in open opposition to the many bank bailouts of the past two years, including this one with 8,000 people and counting.

6th Commandment: Don’t guilt people into their obligation to protest.

Sounds kind obvious, right? Well, this Quit Facebook fan page was a bit of a killjoy.
As this needling plea pulled directly from quitfacebookday.com reads:

Quitting Facebook isn’t easy. Facebook is engaging, enjoyable and quite frankly, addictive. Quitting something like Facebook is like quitting smoking. It’s hard to stay on the wagon long enough to actually change your habits. Having peer support helps, but the way to quit Facebook is not to start a group on Facebook about leaving Facebook.

7th commandment: Don’t neglect obvious current events when planning your protest.

Bad timing for the Quit Facebook Day organizers: Pakistan lifted the nation-wide Facebook ban, the 6th most populous nation on earth. Oops.

8th Commandment: Always remember: What’s in it for your followers?

People respond better to the carrot, not the stick. HSBC protesters scored reduced overdraft fees, guaranteeing an overnight following to their Facebook protest of a few years ago. And the bank caved. Now talk about a day of reckoning.

9th Commandment: Where’s the love?

Sure you have a reason to be mad, but Quit Facebook was, well, not much fun. Where is the camaraderie? The clever look-at-me posts? Instead, it’s all about privacy. BORING. There are more entertaining “Boycott BP” groups to join.

10th Commandment: Deadlines are good, but don’t be so inflexible, man.

By committing to a big tick-down on May 31 you lose out on laggard recruits. Or so we think. The rules are pretty ambiguous and we’re seeing some stragglers still pledging to quit. Still, ongoing movements are much more effective, if only to avoid posts like this one on your protest wall:

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